deanna winchester stealing a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread and getting caught. she takes the cops by surprise by elbowing one in the nose so hard she breaks it, she spits in their faces and snarls insults at them even when they’ve got her in cuffs and she’s not afraid of them, because anything they do to her dad will do worse when he finds out.
and then deanna winchester winding up at a home for troubled young girls. learning how to grow a vegetable garden, do laundry, clean a home, make meals for a group of people. domestic shit that’s easy and relaxing and she laughs at herself because fuck, if sam and dad could see me now but it turns sour when she realizes that if john could see her now, he might see mary instead of deanna.
ahhhG!HJh1!! deanna winchester’s first kiss!! a girl named robin who wants to travel all over and take pictures, with her long eyelashes casting delicate shadows on her cheeks when deanna pulls away and sees that her eyes are closed. deanna wonders if she’s allowed to touch them, and her calloused fingertips are brushing robin’s cheek and robin laughs sweetly at deanna’s thunderstruck expression, “have you kissed many girls?” and deanna’s mouth flaps open and the words “i haven’t kissed anybody” get lost somewhere between her lips and robin’s.
DEANNA WINCHESTER GETTING ALL DRESSED UP FOR HER PROM. she finds a dress, she has no idea if it’s fashionable or not but it’s spring green and it holds the curves of her body like it’s a privilege to do so. she practices walking around in heels all day while she and robin spend the whole day trying out different hair styles and doing each others’ make up. and before she leaves she stares at herself in the mirror and sees what could have been, maybe what should have been. she imagines there are no scars on her body and that her hands are soft instead instead of hardened from weapons training and that she has her mother standing behind her with her arms hugged around deanna and resting her chin on deanna’s shoulder and saying “you’re my beautiful girl. you’ve always been my beautiful girl. i love you.”
and then deanna winchester hearing a familiar rumble outside the window and a knock on her door :(((
deanna winchester getting up an hour early every morning to work out her arms so she can beat the crap out of monsters
deanna winchester on cases looking for the perfect pencil skirt for her FBI suit
deanna winchester in the summer wearing cut offs and sloppy ponytails and motorcycle boots
deanna winchester flirting shamelessly for intel or for fun
deanna winchester being really, really good at pool, just like julia roberts in mystic pizza, and she loves to show it off and crow
Deanna Winchester being told by people who knew her mom that she looks just like her she thinks, is that why dad doesnt really want to look at me. but when she’s alone in the bathroom she stares at her reflection really hard and tries to find what makes them say that and concludes, nah i couldn’t, she’s perfect.
Deanna going out with a smile and a give ‘em hell attitude because she can’t be vulnerable else, her world would swallow her whole.